Yesterday, I had designs on a relaxing walk to the local donut shop, eyes on the prize of a leisurely Sunday stroll with the reward of some piping hot java and some sticky carbs. Instant satisfaction.
What can I say? Life got in the way. Not only did I not don my fluffy shoes and get to the Golden Donut, but yesterday, my life went catawumpus. I got a frantic phone call from my friend who was in a pickle, and it was time for me to be there, and be there in force. It was a testimony to Forrest Gump's pithy motto: you never know what you're going to get.
It's a good reminder for those days recently when I've been trying to plan my entire future in one fell swoop, as if coming up with a grand plan for the rest of my life is going to give me *control* over what happens to me. Not that putting my best foot forward is without reward, but it's helpful for me to bear in mind that grand planning has its limitations, just as bipolar disorder, with its tempestuous trajectory, often casts its limitations over my life.
Is it necessary to know everything in advance? In fact, it's a relief not to. I'm reminded that although my hand may be on the tiller, I'm still subject to the will of the weather.
Maybe today, in addition to wearing my fluffy white shoes, I'll wear layers, and although I'll try for a repeat performance on that donut at some point, I'll remember that I'm no Boy Scout. I can't be prepared for everything.
One thing I can be sure of: Mystery Ahead!
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